Often, abusers will use the excuse "Well you give as good as you get." In the Eminem/Rihanna song "Love the Way You Lie" there is a lyric:
Your temper's just as bad as mine is
You're the same as me
This is what's known as the Myth of Mutual Abuse.
Such misconceptions include: she pushes his buttons; she must have provoked the abuse; it is a family dynamic; it takes two to tango; the abuse will end when they get divorced; it couldn't have been that bad or she would have left long ago; it won't happen anymore because we have mediated all their disputes; it only occurs in dysfunctional families; or they are codependent on each other. Sometimes mutual orders are issued upon the consent of both parties, or after the case is sent to mediation, usually because the abuser (or the abuser's attorney) intimidates the victim, or thejudge or victim's attorney is lazy or feels rushed and does not want to hold an evidentiary hearing about whether either party perpetrated abuse that was notjustified.
Domestic violence occurs by choice of the abuser, and when society does not hold the abuser fully accountable, the abuser benefits more by being abusive than he risks through societal sanctions. Almost never is abuse a mutual matter.
The abuser will beg, plead, swear to change, agree to go to counseling, whatever it takes to get you to stay.
Come inside, pick up your bags off the sidewalk
Don't you hear sincerity in my voice when I talk
I told you this is my fault
Look me in the eyeball
Next time I'm pissed, I'll aim my fist at the drywall
Next time. There won't be no next time
I apologize even though I know its lies
The important thing to remember, is that the ultimate sickness of the abuser will win in the end if you don't protect yourself. They would rather see you dead than see you escape their abuse.
I'm tired of the games I just want her back
I know I'm a liar
If she ever tries to f&$*ing leave again
Im'a tie her to the bed and set this house on fire
Visit DocumentTheAbuse.com for more on how to protect yourself and escape the abuse.