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Community Corner

Parents Talk: Dating While Parenting

Single parents have a greater responsibility when dating.

A new relationship can be fun and exciting, but when children are involved it is essential for single parents to be careful when forming this new union.

Stay mindful of how your children feel. They may initially cover their emotions or not even be able to describe how they feel. But take progressive steps to find out how they feel. As I mentioned in a , do not be quick to bring this person home. Be sure that you are ready for this relationship to go further. When my mom first started dating, I was excited to see her happy, but at the same time I was eager to have a father figure in our home. I don't know if she knew that or not, but I believe my eagerness for a "Cosby Show" family shined through. I only saw my father in the summer and occasionally talked to him over the phone. I eagerly wanted a father in our because all my friends had one.

Nevertheless, although my mother never intended to marry this other man, I believe there was some sort of hope for "normal." Either way, that decision did not work out. He was and they later . That "Cosby Show" dream never showed up until I became an adult and had my own family.

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Simply put... know who you are bringing home. Here are a few more steps you can add to your single parent dating notes:

PEACE: If you are not at peace then by all means don't go any further with this relationship. What do I mean by peace?? If the thought of being with this person makes you uneasy, then don't start a relationship with them. If you have to make yourself believe you are doing the right thing, then again leave this person alone. I believe God gave us that gut-feeling for a reason. So trust your gut.

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PLAYDATES:  If they have kids, then it would be good to bring all the children together to see how they get along. For all you know they could be dating each other... just kidding. Again this is something that should be discussed across the board. Sure there are things that you will decide without your children's approval. But in order to make the transition smoother I encourage you to keep the lines of communication open with your children. Just make it fun, everything will work out!

DISCIPLINE:  This is serious. Depending on the boundaries that are set, having your new boyfriend/girlfriend your children can be catastrophic. If you decide to allow your new boo to discipline your children, then by all means define what that discipline is. In no way, should they be allowed to spank your children. This can utterly destroy not only his relationship with your children, but yours as well.  Time-out, taking away their video games, snacks (toddlers) or sending them to their room is more than enough for the time being. And sense I don't believe children should be left alone with a prospective dad, then there should be no need for him to discipline them while you are present.

Allow their relationship with him or her to gradually grow. It should not be forced. Always put yourself in your child's shoes by putting their feelings first. It is selfish to only think of yourself as if your child has no emotions. Just think about it... if your mom's boyfriend suddenly started spanking you and standing you in the corner and you really didn't know him that well, who would you be upset with? Him? Or your mom?

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