MomsTalk: A Husband and a Boyfriend
Some married women are now openly dating outside of their marriage... is this the way to go or a setup for disaster?
I was watching Braxton Family Values, a new reality show which takes place mostly in Metro Atlanta, and was amazed to hear one of the Braxton sisters say that she and her husband date other people. This isn't the first time I have heard a wife say this, but it still sounds ridiculous to me. When did it become okay to be married and have a boyfriend on the side? This makes absolutely no sense to me. Marriage is supposed to be the union of two people who are committed to each other. And regardless as to what may happen, the two have vowed to love, honor and cherish until death. But nowadays that union of trust entails a third person.
For some women, this third person is a secret and for others, their husbands knows that he exists. What kind of a relationship is that? A healthy marriage is not one that is filled with third parties. Some women might say boyfriends are okay as long as their husbands don't mind. To statements like that, I completely disagree. Just because your husband says dating another man is okay doesn't make it right. Just imagine what it would be like for your husband to have a girlfriend. Next thing you know, you all are double dating. This is adultry regardless as to what anyone says.
It baffles me at how married women can sit there and say, “It's okay to date other men... it's not like we're having sex or anything.” That's ridiculous. For women, intimacy goes beyond sex. Subtle kisses, hugs, cuddling under a blanket or genuine conversation can trump sex. Although these things are needed, and over time married couples can become dull, both parties must push to rekindle the essentials of marriage. When obstacles come in a marriage, both parties have to fight for what's right. Both parties have to compromise, and not in a way that allows a boyfriend or a girlfriend in the picture.
Marriage is not for the weak at heart. It's for those who are smart enough to recognize when things are getting bad and mature enough to make changes. Third parties will simply complicate things. I've heard people say, "We just don't want to get a divorce. We'd rather date other people." When you think about it you already are divorced, you just haven't paid the legal fees to get that piece of paper.
So either be married or don't get married at all. And if you have kids there goes your third party and they are the only third party that should be present. If your marriage has been going through anything like this, I highly recommend reading the Love Dare book.